Our section on The Fun Lab's history
brags of our successes in the fields of comedic excellence:
"As our experiments grow in complexity and value," it says, "The Fun Lab
experiences monumental growths," it continues, "in its vast archive of intellectual
material. The computer industry," it reports, "brags of a double of technological
innovation every six months. We are proud," it announces, "to announce an
exponential jump," it proclaims, "in our intellectual property that occurs
every," it claims, "FOUR," it states, "months. When alerted that we had
the computer industry beat by two full," it postulates, "months, The Fun
Lab threw an," it claims, "industry dance party in the Vann," reportedly,
"Bourassa Breaking-Wind Tunnel."
But in all actuality, we felt that all of this was a great opportunity to
hire dancing women and get really trashed on COMEDY (beer) and SCIENCE (liquor).
So we threw a little industry party. What industry, you ask?
It wasn't long until Doctors Pfaltzgraff
got into a heated argument
about the comedic value of Bob Saget in ABC TV's Full House.
"Amazingly funny," Pfaltzgraff expounded.
"Bally-Hoo!" Gutenhosen retorted. Alas, one
of the great arguments of the last waking breaths of the twentieth century
was left again unresolved by two of the most underrated comedic geniuses
of our time. Also, Doctors Pfaltzgraff and Gutenhosen.
It was finally resolved to lighten the evening's unfortunate tone with festive
lemony votive candles and the innagural activation of Doctor Whittlocke's
much-anticipated fume hood (pictured behind).
Could it have been the festivity of Glade votive candles? Could it have
been the festive drunkenness of science? We're not sure what it was, but
we're sure that the guy in the cowboy hat was Bobcat Goldthwaite's son,
We weren't convinced at first, but yes: that WAS Steve Gutenberg (of Police
Academy fame) there with Robbycat! Okay, it wasn't Steve Gutenberg. But
we're pretty sure that it might have been Stevey Gutenberg, who is every bit
as funny as his father!
This photo was taken just as Robbycat lifted his hands as if to say, every
bit as good as his father: "Stand back, and BRACE YOURSELVES FOR COMEDY!"
Dr. Geoffrey thought that he'd seen everything, what with the fume
hood being activated and all, but oh-no, Geoffrey. OH-NO!
When we invited Corey Feldman to the party, we thought it was a longshot.
Actually, after thinking about it, we thought we'd have a pretty good chance
of getting him: really, what in the hell is Corey Feldman doing these
So we were a bit dissapointed when we saw no such Corey Feldman's name on
the RSVP list, until we spotted someone special out there in the crowd.
Yes, it's really him, Corey Feldman's amazing likeness of a cousin, RORY
We were quite pleased: not only did Rory deliver all of the aesthetic success
as his cousin Corey, he was quite willing to make just as much fun of Corey, if not
Those of you with a keen eye for facial symmetry will notice that the eye
in the upper right hand corner belongs to none other than RORY HAIM!
Though Geoffrey was definately taken with both the Rory's, he spotted something
in yellow across the Lab that really caught his attention. The Rory's didn't even notice it,
but Geoffrey was already over there, across the room...
Now Gutenhosen, what with all of the divine intervention that seems to go
on here at The Fun Lab, how could you have not expected the divine hand
of Providence to reach out and make the tables turn? After all of that badmouthing
of Bob Saget earlier in the evening, how could you have expected the Omnipotent
to resist reaching out and touching The Fun Lab?
And how could you have missed it that Bob Saget was reaching out and touching your ass???
Meanwhile, the Good Doctor Geoffrey Pfaltzgraff was making friends with
a bubbly go-go girl named Candi, employed by The Fun Lab, paid for by the
good folks at Dupont.
We're not sure if it was the festive scent of votive
candles in the air, or that bastard true love itself that led to Candi's
sweet, romantic peck on Dr. Geoffrey's cheek.
But we're sure that right at the moment this picture was taken, Doctor Pfaltzgraff
was discovering his very first erection!
We're talking tent-city here!
And it came as no surprise to any of us that Doctor Geoffrey felt as though
the weight of a thousand jokes had been lifted from his cute little frame.
Good Doctor Geoffrey wholeheartedly accepted Good Dancer Candi's proposition,
and soon was dancing the night away on one of The Fun Lab's patented "Dance
Like Popeil" comedy shrines.
Pfaltzgraff looked off into the distance, at his long, long future of being
a successful science "player."
But Candi? Candi was looking at nothing but that cute little punum.
"Hey: I KNOW YOU!" Geoffrey pointed and shouted as he danced up there. We
were all feeling so good about his night that no one had the heart to tell
him: "No, Geoffrey, you really DON'T know that person." Maybe it was our
desire to not "salt his game," or maybe it was the great indifference maker
that is alcohol, but we decided to not intercede.
Good work there, Geoff! We were all pulling for you!
As the night went on, Go-Go dancers and scientists alike danced to the addictive
rhythms of popular Bulgarian Boy Band sensation N'OPPorTUNE. Soon, the Lab
was populated by a throng of twelve-year-old girls, who cunningly found
an accidentally forwarded press release, sent by
, The Fun Lab
head of PR, and learned of the band's private appearance in advance.
While the boys sang their international hit single "Living in Bulgaria", the beat just got stronger,
and the pre-teen screaming just became louder.
This may explain, somehow, just what happened to Dr. Bengsston.
No one really knew what happened to
a few minutes after the
doors opened, but a routine review of The Fun Lab's security tapes by The
Fun Lab Chief of Security, Eugene Gottschalk, revealed the image shown here.
It seems Dagney had one too many of Whittlocke's science cocktails and soon found himself
in the downward spiral that is comedy and booze gone terribly wrong.
One thing is sure, though. Somehow, while so unbelievably sauced, Doctor
Bengsston managed to eat halfway through our entire supply of The Fun Lab
. Nite, nite, Brody Brody!