Test Title:  Defending the Mustache
Experiment ID:  005        
Start:  10/23/00 7:12PM
Completion:
Project Leader:  Dr. Dag Bengsston

ABSTRACT

Through the following series of studies and experiments, I will explore the world's reaction to the precious sub-nasal hair strip known as the mustache. The other "scientists" at The Fun Lab continually mock my nose adornment, and without just cause. I intend to discredit the notion of the mustache having comedic value, and I intend to have the mustache stricken from our comedic annals.


METHODS

My associates at The Fun Lab have mocked my mustache since its birth as a prickly little shadow that they said loooked like "there's dirt on your upper lip, Dag". Since its embryonic stage, I have defended this oral conifer, mintaining that it is a serious expression of style, not comedy. "Dag," they say to me. "Dag, the mustache is funny!" Frankly, I can't see what they mean, and have been losing sleep at nights at the prospect of my nostril shield bringing to the world anything other than lip-smacking bliss.

I think, all in all, that mustaches have gotten a pretty good rap in our country today, and offer themselves up as a successful and completely legitimate method of expressing style, good taste, trustworthiness and class. The mustache is the working man. The respected and talented. The brilliant and the buxom. The Burt Reynolds and Tom Sellecks that stand as the definition for these words. However, my associates have dismissed the brave nose skunk as mollycoddle, and I just can't believe it!

I intend to forever solidify in the public eye the value of the mustache. And I intend to do this with science.



The Name Clearing Begins!