The first step was shaving the monkey and dressing him in "people clothes". George W. even got his picture in the paper one day, early in his training, when he began mimicing Dr. Pfaltzgraff on the "people phone". The publicity was definately on this monkey's side. But could he possibly win the election...? Unprecedented scientific efforts, to be sure!
Rigorous training was required, beyond the challenges of neck wear, to make this monkey into a man. His posture was improved, his manners were taught, and most importantly, he was taught how to talk. The Fun Lab Scientists thought it quite funny to teach him to speak English with a Texas accent. Texans are funny, you see?
Dr. Whittlocke recalled some phrase about a good woman being behind each good man or something, and whether it is true or not, it was agreed upon that what this monkey needed was a wife. A woman, we'll call her "Laura", was hired to act as this monkey's significant other. This new addition to the project excited our George W. terribly. We're sure he was thrilled to have another human talking to him that wasn't a dedicated scientist, always poking, prodding, and probing. Plus, he seemed to need the extra encouragement he wasn't getting from the team.
The campaign trail rivals even The Oregon Trail in length and difficulty. In case you haven't noticed, The Fun Lab has connections with officials in most every area of America. From the Press to state and local governments, we have people on our side. Friends in high places, if you will. Generous assistance from the press enabled The Fun Lab to create a story around a man named George W. Bush. A fictional governor of Texas was created. He even passed legislation that devastated Texas' environment: Who would expect a monkey to do such a thing? As the campaigning reached a crescendo, wagers were placed around The Lab left and right on the election's outcome. Whittlocke and Gutenhosen were sure this experiment would go off without a hitch; Pfaltzgraff and Bengsston weren't convinced. Cronk vomited. Poor "Dubya" DID like his new nickname, if only because it was easy to pronouce, but he was obviously discouraged by the lack of faith in members of The Fun Lab. Laura did her duty and cheered him right up. Project: MONKEY WIFE seemed to be moving flawlessly.
Project: POTTY TRAINING, on the other hand, was a complete nightmare.