First thing, Monday morning, at 8:30 Pacific Time, we hit the FunLab snooze bar. By 10:15 we rolled out of our beds and drawers and made it downstairs to go through the JFK Assasination files. By 10:18, Bengsston had turned on the Superstation to check out the Rockford Files, Gutenhosen had beamed 27 times and Whittlocke had discovered a chick with tits in the Zepruder film.

"Arthur, SHE'S SIXTY YEARS OLD BY NOW!" Pfaltzgraff said.

By 10:23, we realized this wasn't working.

"What we need is to start our own Private Investigation company," Dag said as he watched the Rockford Files.

"YEAH!" Gutenhosen said.

"YEAH!" Pfaltzgraff said.

"OINK!" Cronk oinked. But that was beside the point.

We got into our LABmail accounts and went through all of those emails that we've saved that advertise "University Diplomas" from "non-accredited Universities."

Dagney found this one: "Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration of all. Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience. No required tests, classes, books, or interviews. Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice. No one is turned down."