On November the 22nd 1963, in Dallas, Texas, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States, was assassinated. At precisely 12:30 PM, he was gunned down in Dealey Plaza. At 1:00 PM John F. Kennedy was pronounced dead at Parkland Hospital.
When we first heard about the Freedom of Information Act, we thought it was just one more excuse for Dr. Geoffrey Pfaltzgraff to purchase his long-awaited file cabinet. And wouldn't you know it, he bought the biggest, sturdiest that he could find. The Quartet D-Filer. The file cabinet is so damned big: Geoff's now put it in place of his cot, and sleeps in the Ben Stiller Comedy File, an otherwise empty drawer.
And of course, once Dr. Cronk got ahold of the coveted JFK assassination files, our hopes for peaceful FunLab meals were squashed. Grassy Knoll this, Texas Book Depository that... Dag couldn't get a simple piece of carp down without Cronk yelling uncontrollably. We were crushed: Cronk had found himself another reason to scream unintelligibly. We got to be so sick of it, Dr. Gutenhosen broke down and bought him a copy of the 1991 Oliver Stone comedy J.F.K., and put it on endless loop on the FunLab2.
It did the trick: Dr. Cronk hasn't left the center chair of the FunLab2 for six days now, defecating in a small commemorative mug left over from Dr. Pfaltzgraff's Rory Calhoun marathon. Every so often, we catch Cronk sreaming the word "PATSY!" We'll hear it echoing through the halls in the deepest recesses of our lab. Regardless, we consider this an overwhelming success: Cronk's yelling, but he's not yelling at us.
We like movies here at The Fun Lab, especially those that feature people who aren't actors pretending to be actors, like TV's Shaquille O'Neal and Kevin Costner. And we have to admit that we couldn't help the occasional glance over Cronk's crooning. We catch ourselves pausing in the FunLab2 for minutes at a time, reliving the drama. And we each reached this feeling independently, for different reasons:
"There's something just not right about the whole JFK thing!" Mostly it's an issue of
Kevin Costner's southern accent, but somewhere in our reticence is the mystery itself:
who killed JFK!?