Experiment Title:  Cannonball Fun
Experiment ID:  010        
Start:  9/23/01 12:26PM
Completion:  10/13/01 11:50PM
Project Leader: Dr. Geoffrey Pfaltzgraff

We're in the money!!

It was free money week at The Fun Lab. More than a year after The Fun Lab Pledge Drive began, the first unafilliated donor who wasn't a cheap bastard volunteered a decent sum of money to our ailing Fun Lab. Thanks to Playboy magazine and our esteemed mailboy Jeffy Roberts, we have a heaping $100,000 coming our way!!! Sure it was due to mere luck more than the magazine's loving devotion to the pursuit of comedy and science, but when a cash cow moos...

I know what you naysayers are thinking, you are thinking "Nay, Dr. Geoffrey, you poor deluded sap! You haven't won a damn thing! Read the fine print, I'll bet it says 'you may have won' that money!" "Bollocks!" I say! "first of all, I didn't win anything! Jeffy Roberts* won the cash!

And second, this one was different: It says if I hold the winning number '[I]'ve won $100,000!'!!" Furthermore, the gentlemanly magazine is also sending The Lab

  1.   Playmates' Intimate Fantasies Video
  2.   Playmates' Hot Encounters Video
  3.   Playboy's Most Beautiful Women Video

Now that's a cash cow, naysayers!!!

Parry Saunders
So, remarkably enough, when I went to the mailroom to drop off my claim check, I also found another parcel waiting in my mail slot. A simple envelope addressed to The Doctors. In it was a real live cash check for $1500!! That, my friends, is enough to elevate this donor to Patron Status in The Fun Lab!! Thanks to Parry Saunders of Perth, Australia, we began a mission to spend cash.

Dr. Gutenhosen's vote was to squander the money on this great computer game he heard about. We told him to piss off. Our searches took us to the Internet. There, I found exactly what we needed: a 1979 Dodge Sportsman Ambulance. Complete with police scanner, CB radio, built-in bed, siren, lights, cabinetry and a bumpin' stereo system. For only $3000.

However, when I explained to the seller who I was, his response was an offer for $1500: "I regret that I have but one ambulance to give for myFunLab." The seller was located in Colfax, Eastern WA. A road trip was in order.
*Good ol' Jeffy didn't object to handing over the money to me when I pointed out that § 231 of his contract says that all prize money collected while employed is donated to the Lab.