SEATTLE, December 11, 2001 - The big news today is that we've decided to go with three separate shutdown periods for 2002, due to the scope and timing of our capital projects this year.
The first of these shutdowns will occur from late March until the 1st of August, roughly. OHG/T and manufacturing technician evaluations will be the focus of this period, assuming that there will be a greater presence of able technicians in the research division than last quarter.
The planned expansion of our web site should occupy most of the second shutdown, which at this point has not yet been scheduled, but this should leave more than enough time for auto-fill and routine facility maintenance during the December shutdown.
Remember: Quality and Quantity, here. If we plan accordingly, we can have our cake and eat it too!
It is expected that the end product of these shutdowns will be a more efficient, more organized laboratory with a far greater output than any of our competitors.
Here's to 2000!
SEATTLE, August 27, 2001 - Due to the rising costs of comedic supplies, the increase of state laboratory taxes, and rapid depletion of the founding grants, a new tactic will be implemented during the Autumn quarter for financial assistance towards the laboratory.
A fund-raiser will be held in the form of a "Phone-a-Thon", but will aptly be named "Fun-a-Thon" in order to keep up comedic appearences as well as spirits during these turbulent and low-budgeted times.
This pledge drive will easily be the greatest contributor towards the continued funding of The Fun Lab for the year 2001.
Fear not! We will save this lab!
SEATTLE, October 5, 2000 - After a dissapointing first week of the "Fun-a-Thon", it was necessary to extend the pledge drive for another week.
That week soon became another week, and that one then led to a month. It would be a safe assumption to expect the continuation of the "Fun-a-Thon" for an indefinate period of time. In the event of an actual conribution to the "Fun-a-Thon" that could easily support The Fun Lab for a 12-month period, the pledge drive will be suspended until another depletion of funds occurs; most likely 8 or 10 months later.
In addition to the apparent permanence of this potential income-generating device, another proposal is in the works.
The possibility of a large-scale volunteer-supported "experiment event" taking place on or around the holiday of Halloween this month is very much likely.
Preliminary polls have told us that charging volunteers "admission" to what they are led to believe is a "social gathering" comprising of "costumes", "alcohol", and "party games" is a very favored option for quick and unethical results, while actually reversing the direction of the standard "volunteer payment" towards the lab, and away from the test subjects.
With appropriate waivers being signed at the door, we believe that The Fun Lab could potentially generate income, conduct experiments on an unsuspecting audience, and conceivably wash our hands of all legal liabilities.
Let's hope this works!