Name: Dr. Geoffrey Pfaltzgraff

D.O.B.: 3/9/1977

Position: Technician

Education: Phd in Physical Comedy, Minor in Strategic Obstacle Placement at Parkinson's Institute of Comedy & Witty Retort

Theses: Slips, Trips and Flips, in Environments of Varying Gravity
and Mocking Misery: Finding Pleasure in Others' Pain

Married: No

Borax and boron: Detergent and element? Yes.
Brix and Brak: Game and Pyrannimite radiation victim? Yes.
Chris and Cross: Guy and pen? No.

Notes: Here's what we know: Pfaltzgraff's father was a moron. Pfaltzgraff's mother was a moron. Pfaltzgraff's sister was a girl, and Pfaltzgraff was always right. He still thinks that he is always right. With the generous exception of Marty Cronk, The Fun Lab does not employ morons, fools, crackheads, numb nuts, or George W. Bush.

Since he was the one who really spearheaded the creation of The Fun Lab, he is given some leeway in his assertion that his opinions are always correct, but objective comments tend to describe him as an anal-retentive fool.

Background: Dr. Pfaltzgraff's path toward comedy began during his junior year at the Parkinson's Institute of Comedy and Witty Retort. Pfaltzgraff was deeply entrenched in his pursuit of his PhD in Physical Comedy, and it was not going very well.

As many third year students at PICWR will attest, Physical Comedy 408, High-Energy Physical Comedy: Relativistic Quantum Field Theory and the Many-Body Problem is easily the most difficult course at the institute.

Weeks were passing and Pfaltzgraff was not.

All of the other students had devised solid theses and had begun researching them. In a fit of despair, Pfaltzgraff retreated to his favorite thinking place; the primate cages. Despite the din of hundreds of shrieking monkeys and the constant barrage of banana peels and bad jokes, Pfaltzgraff was known to seek solace down there. In this fit of despair, and in this pit of primates, Pfaltzgraff found a fascinating specimen.

In the corner was a metal cage, with nothing but ventilation holes, that was emitting extremely loud clanging sounds, as if a body were being slammed against the interior of the cage repeatedly. The cage was labeled "On donation from MountainView Hospital, Marty Cronk.

Pfaltzgraff had a solid foundation of knowledge regarding primates, due to the time he spent in there, and was confused, wondering what type of primate a Marty Cronk could be. Dangerously disregarding primate lab rules, Pfaltzgraff opened the door to the cage and released a blur of screaming energy. As he was knocked to the ground, several realizations came to mind: Cronk was indeed part human, as squirrels were indeed rodents; and Cronk would make a great test subject, if he could only be harnessed...